Condemned to repeat it.
I’m doomed for sure.
I was just flipping through what CNN claims is the questionnaire for anyone applying for a job with the Obama administration. I can understand their need to be thorough, but really:
Speeches: Please identify all speeches you have given. If available please provide the text or recordings of each such speech or identify any recordings of speeches of which you are aware.
Someone just yesterday was asking me how I got my start giving talks, and I honestly couldn’t figure out what to answer. It wasn’t as if some conference committee called me up out of the blue and said, “Hi, we’ve never heard of you, would you like to come present something?” And what is a speech, anyway? I was teaching classes of various sorts back in the early ‘90s, and I dimly recall giving at least one presentation in front of a group of attendees at some sort of meeting or conference, but I couldn’t tell you now what it was about, or who the people were. (I remember using an overhead projector, and I remember it was in Europe somewhere.)
Those of you who give talks for a living are probably a lot more organized about it than I am. You probably have records of all your appearances, copies of your slides filed away, and so on. I’ve always treated each occasion as a one-off, so if it isn’t lurking in my PowerPoint directory, I don’t have it any more. And the only reason I really keep any articles in which I’m interviewed is to show my mom (you know how moms love that stuff).
Writings: Please list and, if readily available, provide a copy of each book, article, column or publication (including but not limited to any posts or comments on blogs or other websites) you have authored, individually or with others. Please list all aliases or “handles” you have used to communicate on the Internet.
Electronic communications: If you have ever sent an electronic communication, including but not limited to an email, text message or instant message, that could suggest a conflict of interest or be a possible source of embarrassment to you, your family, or the President-Elect if it were made public, please describe.
Well, see, there was this whole Usenet thing back in the 1980s, see, and Spaf and I got into it a little bit, and suggestive words were exchanged ... Come on, now! Do I really have to report every time I SMSed someone from a meeting and said, “GET ME TH FCK OUTTA HRE”? Would the President-Elect be embarrassed if someone got hold of the instant messages I used to woo my lovely and talented webmaster? You betcher sweet bippy. EVERYONE has sent potentially embarrassing electronic communications, people. I just wouldn’t know where to begin listing them all.
Other than from relatives, or from close and longstanding personal friends on occasions such as birthdays or seasonal holidays, have you or your spouse ever received a gift exceeding $50 in value? Please identify the donor, the value of the gift, the date received and the circumstances in which the gift was made.
You know, when my company gave me a crystal vase as a wedding present, I DIDN’T ASK THEM HOW MUCH IT COST. Hell, I don’t remember how much that dinner cost that that executive director, whose name escapes me at the moment, bought me as thanks for actually doing my job. See, this is one of the huge differences between the public and private sectors. In the public sector, you go around completely paranoid about everyone you associate with and everything you write down—you even eyeball the schwag to make sure it doesn’t look like it costs more than $20. In the private sector, you go out drinking with a vendor and he picks up the tab and you never have a second thought about it (especially since he’s liable to bill it right back to you as a travel expense on your contract).
Seriously, how many people remember all these things? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday, but I think it’s safe to say “chicken.” I guess that means that I’m condemned to have chicken for lunch again real soon.
PS - But I do remember meeting the esteemed Pete Lindstrom yesterday, who is much more three-dimensional than the portraits on his blog.
on 11/13 at 02:01 PM:
Oh boy. That Electronic Communications one… please give me a break. Perhaps he heard of the Kwame Kilpatrick scandal in good ol’ Detroit. But I mean, yeah, everyone has sent text messages that are of a personal nature. That’s like saying “Please describe every phone call or conversation you’ve ever had in which you used foul language or said the word “the”“. I know they’re trying to cover their butts, but puh-leeze. Maybe this gives them Plausible Deniability…?
Now, on the flipside, can you imagine some of the stuff they’re seeing from potential applicants? ROFL “You see, this one time, at band camp…”