My coming-out post.
“What’s that smell?”
-- my two-year-old
To my long-suffering staff:
Office gossip is a fact of life, but the rumors circulating lately have become disruptive enough that I feel I must address them in order to return the focus to our actual corporate mission. It has helped tremendously that our HR department has seen fit to emphasize our diversity policies, and that more organizations have taken up the awareness banner. It makes it easier to share with you some personal information.
Your suspicions are true: I am indeed a Necro-American.
This should not come as too much of a surprise to many of you who have had to sit in poorly-ventilated conference rooms with me. I apologize for the distress this may have caused, and I fully understand why I have not received any invitations to join any of you for lunch. It explains why I prefer to eat at my desk with the door closed, rather than take a lunch break, but I would like to point out that this behavior can be seen in many regular workaholics, and does not necessarily mean that anyone who doesn’t take a lunch break has the same ethnic background that I do.
There are many other ways in which I might have revealed my condition to you. The email messages coming often at 3 am: you’re right, I don’t sleep. My lack of fashion sense, alas, has been with me since well before my demise and subsequent resurrection. But now I expect you all understand why I argued so strenuously against the use of biometrics for two-factor authentication in our data center. (It was not because I was “receiving favors” from the RSA salespeople. I heard that rumor, too.) And those of you who know how to use Google probably figured out why my vanity license plate says “DRAUG.”
Let me reassure you on one very important point: yes, I hired you all for your brains, and yes, they are some of the very highest-quality brains to be found in our industry. But I have no intention of eating them; you are all truly valued for your contributions to our important work. As long as your performance evaluations continue to show stellar accomplishments, you have nothing to fear.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all once again for your support and hard work. I am very proud to be your ZISO.
Posted by shrdlu on Wednesday, June 13, 2007(3) Comments • Permalink •
